Everyone talks about how exciting it is to move abroad. Nobody talks about the 3am anxiety, the loneliness that hits on a random Tuesday, or the strange grief of losing a life that technically still exists — just 8,000 kilometres away.
Whether you've moved to Israel, the UK, or anywhere else far from home, the mental health toll of living as an expat is real, common, and largely unspoken. Research shows that expats and immigrants experience significantly higher rates of anxiety, depression, and adjustment disorders compared to people who stay in their home country.
The good news is that these challenges are well understood, highly treatable, and nothing to be ashamed of. Here are the seven most common ones — and what actually helps.
1. The Identity Shift Nobody Warned You About
Back home, you knew who you were. You had your routine, your people, your role. Abroad, all of that gets stripped away. You're suddenly "the foreigner" — and your old identity doesn't map neatly onto your new environment.
This isn't just discomfort. Psychologists call it "acculturative stress" — the psychological tension that comes from navigating between your home culture and your new one. It can show up as confusion about who you are, irritability, or a persistent feeling that you don't quite belong anywhere.
What helps: Give yourself permission to be in transition. Identity reconstruction is a process, not an event. Journalling about what values and parts of yourself you want to carry forward — versus what you're ready to let go of — can make the shift feel more intentional and less disorienting. Working with a therapist who understands the expat experience can accelerate this process significantly.
2. Loneliness That Socialising Doesn't Fix
You can go to every meetup, join every WhatsApp group, and still feel deeply lonely. That's because expat loneliness isn't about the number of people around you — it's about the depth of connection. You're missing the friends who know your history, who you don't have to explain yourself to, who you can call at midnight without it being weird.
Building that depth of relationship takes time. Often years. And in the meantime, the loneliness can become chronic and quietly corrosive to your mental health.
What helps: Acknowledge that surface-level socialising won't fill this gap — and that's okay. Prioritise one or two relationships you want to deepen rather than spreading yourself thin across dozens of acquaintances. Stay connected with a few key people back home through regular, scheduled calls — not just reactive texting. And consider therapy as a space where you can be fully honest about how you're feeling without performing "I'm doing great" for your social circle.
3. The Guilt of Leaving
Expat guilt is a quiet epidemic. Guilt about leaving aging parents. Guilt about missing your niece's birthday. Guilt about "choosing" to live far from the people who need you. Guilt about enjoying your new life when you know people back home are struggling.
This guilt can become paralysing, leading to anxiety, difficulty making decisions, and a persistent low mood that colours everything.
What helps: Recognise that guilt is information, not instruction. It tells you something matters to you — it doesn't mean you made the wrong choice. Reframe your relationship with home as evolving rather than broken. Set up regular rituals to stay connected — a weekly video call with your parents, a monthly care package, a shared family photo album. These don't eliminate the guilt, but they channel it into action rather than rumination.
4. Anxiety That Comes From Nowhere
Many expats report developing anxiety for the first time after moving abroad — even if they've never struggled with it before. The constant low-level stress of navigating a new language, unfamiliar systems, and cultural misunderstandings keeps your nervous system on high alert.
In Israel specifically, security concerns add another layer. Learning to live with air raid sirens, bomb shelters, and geopolitical tension is a form of chronic stress that many new immigrants underestimate.
What helps: Anxiety responds well to structure. Build a daily routine that includes physical movement, consistent sleep, and at least one activity that feels grounding and familiar — whether that's your morning coffee ritual, a run, or cooking a meal from home. If the anxiety persists for more than a few weeks or starts interfering with sleep, work, or daily functioning, that's a clear signal to seek professional support. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) delivered online is particularly effective for anxiety and is one of the most common approaches used by therapists on platforms like Shemesh.
5. Relationship Strain Across Distance and Culture
Moving abroad changes every relationship in your life — sometimes for the better, often in unexpected ways. Long-distance friendships fade. Family dynamics shift when you're no longer physically present. Romantic relationships get tested by cultural differences, different social expectations, or the simple stress of building a new life together.
For couples who've moved abroad together, the stress often surfaces differently for each partner. One might adapt quickly while the other struggles, creating resentment and misunderstanding.
What helps: Be explicit about what you need from your relationships rather than expecting people to guess. Have honest conversations with your partner about how the move is affecting each of you — separately and together. For relationships back home, accept that some will naturally evolve and that this doesn't mean they've failed. Couples therapy — available online through platforms like Shemesh — can be transformative for partners navigating the stress of relocation together.
6. The "I Should Be Happier" Trap
You chose this. You moved to this incredible new country. You're supposed to be living the dream. So why do you feel... flat?
This disconnect between how you think you should feel and how you actually feel creates a secondary layer of distress. You start judging your own emotional experience, which makes everything worse.
What helps: Stop comparing your internal experience to everyone else's Instagram highlight reel. Most expats go through periods of disillusionment — it's a well-documented phase of cultural adjustment known as the "U-curve." The initial honeymoon phase fades, reality sets in, and there's a dip before things start improving again. Knowing this is normal doesn't make it painless, but it does make it less frightening. Give yourself the same grace you'd give a friend going through the same thing.
7. Burnout From Doing Everything in Hard Mode
Everyday tasks that were automatic back home — banking, grocery shopping, dealing with government offices, making a doctor's appointment — suddenly require triple the energy. Everything is in a different language, a different system, with different cultural norms.
Over time, this "everything is harder" reality leads to a specific kind of exhaustion that looks a lot like burnout. You feel depleted, frustrated, and resentful — not because of one big thing, but because of the accumulated weight of a thousand small frictions.
What helps: Lower the bar. Seriously. You don't need to master the language in six months, figure out every bureaucratic system immediately, or integrate perfectly into local culture on someone else's timeline. Build in deliberate recovery time — blocks in your week where you do something easy and comfortable. Find your shortcuts: English-speaking services, expat-friendly businesses, communities that bridge the gap. And when the exhaustion gets persistent, therapy can help you develop strategies to manage your energy more sustainably.
When It's Time to Get Professional Support
All seven of these challenges are a normal part of the expat experience. But "normal" doesn't mean you have to white-knuckle through it alone. Here are clear signals that it's time to talk to a professional:
Your mood has been consistently low or anxious for more than two weeks. You're withdrawing from social situations you used to enjoy. Sleep has become unreliable — either too much or too little. You're using alcohol, food, or screen time to numb out more than usual. You're having trouble functioning at work or in daily life. You feel stuck, hopeless, or like things aren't going to get better.
Online therapy makes this step easier than ever. You don't need to navigate an unfamiliar healthcare system, find someone who speaks your language in your city, or explain your cultural background from scratch. Platforms like Shemesh Therapy connect you with licensed, English-speaking therapists who understand the expat experience — from ₪199 per session, with evening and weekend availability.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal to feel depressed after moving abroad? Yes. Adjustment disorders, homesickness, and periods of low mood are extremely common among expats and immigrants. This doesn't mean the move was wrong — it means you're human and going through a major life transition.
How long does it take to adjust to living in a new country? Research suggests that full cultural adjustment typically takes 1-3 years, though this varies widely. Most people experience a "honeymoon phase" followed by a dip, followed by gradual adaptation and integration.
Can online therapy help with expat-specific issues? Absolutely. Online therapy is particularly well-suited for expats because it removes geographic barriers, allows you to work with a therapist who speaks your language and understands your background, and can be accessed from anywhere.
What type of therapy is best for anxiety and adjustment issues? CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) has the strongest evidence base for anxiety. For broader adjustment and identity issues, psychodynamic or integrative approaches are also effective. The most important factor is the quality of the therapeutic relationship — find a therapist you feel comfortable with.
Moving abroad is hard enough without doing it alone. Talk to a licensed therapist who gets it — starting at ₪199/session with Shemesh Therapy.